Alliteration is something that has always appealed to me, which is probably why I like tongue twisters so much! The title of this poem, if said quickly enough, makes it sound almost like one word. I can’t remember how or why this particular poem came about, but it’s quite an old one. It’s had numerous re-writes and originally Donald’s surname was Huffington, but I felt that it didn’t sound British enough so Perkins was added, literally about 5 minutes before I published this here!
Donald Perkins was no snob,
nor was he a lazy slob,
that’s why he applied for the part time job,
of a shopping centre Santa.
Part time, for ‘twas once a year,
when children came from far and near,
to pull the beard and chew the ear,
of a shopping centre Santa.
He went along and met the head,
of the centre, dressed in red,
‘I think you fit the bill,’ he said,
‘For a shopping centre Santa.’
‘You start next Monday, sharp. At eight’,
‘Looking smart, and don’t be late!’
‘And try to gain a bit of weight’,
‘For a shopping centre Santa.’
Donald went home, quite forlorn,
he’d been this thin since he was born,
he’d never get the shapely form,
of a shopping centre Santa.
Chocolate biscuits, cake and sweets,
sticky, sugared, tasty treats,
bulged the waist and swelled the feet,
of a shopping centre Santa.
He ate so fast he couldn’t taste,
the food he shoved into his face,
until he finally had the waist,
of a shopping centre Santa.
And eventually the day arrived,
when, with Donald sat inside,
the grotto doors were open wide,
to reveal a shopping centre Santa.
The first child in began to wail,
the fifteenth child turned quite pale,
the hundredth screamed, ‘He’s like a whale!’
‘That shopping centre Santa!’
‘You’re far too big. You’ll have to go!’
‘You’re scaring all the children so!’
and out the door, the boss did throw,
that shopping centre Santa.
‘You can’t do this!’ our Donald said,
as they snatched away his coat of red,
and pulled the hat from off the head,
of a shopping centre Santa.
And as he pushed him out the doors,
the boss, he said, with pregnant pause,
‘You’ll find it’s in the Santa Clause,’
‘Of a shopping centre Santa!’